Hop on the bus, Gus…
People who regularly commute by bus in Metro Manila like myself have encountered these individuals a few times while enroute. The ubiquitous peanut vendor, the junkfood/chicharon/bottled water vendor. There’s the young girl who gives you a slip of paper that tells you her name and how she’s sending herself to school by selling sweets at P20 per pack. Every now and then you get the Agono drivers’ union representative telling you how they have gone on strike because of non-payment of benefits, imploring you to help their cause by donating any amount that you can. More infrequently you get the Christian missionary who says she can help you mend your ways if you will listen to the radio broadcast of their ministry on DWJC or some such station.
Last week I encountered a new one.
He got on the bus at the Coastal Mall stop like any other commuter on a Tuesday morning, but a little more casually dressed—cargo shorts and navy tank top. He looked reasonably clean, a bit overweight, in his late thirties, the kind of guy you’d share a sari-sari store counter with late in the morning. But this one stood at the front of the bus and started his spiel:
Mawalang galang na po sa inyong lahat. Narito ako ngayon para humingi sa inyo ng tulong. Ako po ay mayasakit at wala akong perang pang doktor. Hindi nyo po naitatanong, ako poy naging isang macho dancer sa aking kabataan. At dahil napariwara nung akoy bata pa akoy nagkasakit. Hindi ko lang po alam kung AIDS ba ito, dahil wala po akong perang pangbayad sa doktor. Kung mayroon po kayong maiaabuloy kahit na magkano, makakatulong ito para akoy makapagpagamot. Isipin nyo nalang na akoy nakatatanda nyong kapatid. Maraming salamat po sa inyong tulong.
(translation: Pardon me. I am here to ask for your help. I am sick and I do not have money to pay a doctor. If you may ask, I had been a macho dancer in my youth. And because I lifed a profligate lifestyle I became sick. I do not know if this is AIDS, because I have no money to pay a doctor to tell me what I am sick of. If you can spare me some change, it will help me get treatment. Just think of me as your elder brother. Thank you for whatever help you can give.)
And he walked to the back of the bus and held out his hand to the left and then to the right of the aisle, repeating Mawalang galang na po, isipin nyo nalang na kuya nyo ako. All the way back to the front of the bus. When he got to where I was sitting (alone by my favorite place the tire bump near the door) I ignored him as I did all bus speechmakers and solicitors. He moved in closer, almost touching my arm and at this point I became very nervous. Normally solicitors tried not to intrude too much on your personal space, but this one looked like he was ready to grab my arm. Or maybe I just felt like that because I thought that a guy that looked as healthy as he did had other plans. I imagined a metallic flash and then blood spurting from my side, take that old woman, that’s what you get for ignoring me.
But since I’m blogging this now, obviously nothing of the sort happened. He gave up trying to get anything from me, although he did get a few pesos from the people behind me. He went down the bus at the Heritage Hotel stop just before the right turn to EDSA, lightly tossing the coins in his hand, his eyes on the next likely bus to board and tell people his story.
And if he’s thinking it’s true, there’s really one sucker born every minute, even as he listens to the tinkling of the coins in his hand, he’s probably right, because he just left a busload of people wondering what if he really had AIDS, if he indeed may have been the least of the brethren to whom we should have done whatsoever, and we would have done unto Him?
*shakes head*
Urbanidad and the Marauders of Bayani Fernando
Some readers of this blog may well wonder about my unabashed hatred for the man named Bayani Fernando. Hatred may not even be the precise word that describes the knit of my eyebrows and the rise of my blood pressure whenever I hear anything about the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) and its reigning despot.
First of all, let us read on the mmda.gov.ph website what Bayani Fernando’s Urbanidad project is:
“The MMDA chair has laid down his seven-pronged slogans and ad collaterals on education and enforcement of rules and regulations for dissemination to residents of Metro Manila on how to conduct themselves properly to ensure the success of the Metro Gwapo project. These include Walang Sagabal – Lansangan ay Ligtas-Mabilis, Walang Nakakainis, Walang Kalat, Walang Pook na Bulok-Maganda-Hindi Nakakatakot, Walang Sakit-Hangin-Tubig at Pagkain ay Malinis, Walang Mabaho-Kanal at Sapa ay Malinis, Walang Bastos-May Urbanidad-Hindi Nakakasakit ng Kapwa and Kaisa-the Metro Way.”
And since this is a highly opinionated blog post and is in fact my own blog on my webspace and on my own domain, I have chosen to throw all caution to the wind and zero in on “Walang Bastos-May Urbanidad-Hindi Nakakasakit ng Kapwa.”
Walang Bastos. May Urbanidad. Hindi Nakakasakit ng Kapwa. In English: No Boorishness. Possesses Urbanity. Does Not Harm (his) Fellowman. That is Bayani Fernando’s ideal Metro Gwapo (trans. Handsome) citizen, and will go to great lengths to create such a being.
Great lengths such as smelling the armpits of jeepney drivers who have been out pounding the high and byways of Metro Manila since 4 in the morning, and declaring them Rexona*-non-grata.
Great lengths such as ordering his minions to splash wet paint on “illegal” advertising banners, and then vowing to “catch the perpetrators.”
Great lengths such as sending out his team of marauders to “confiscate” the edible wares (never to be seen again) of sidewalk vendors, while ignoring newspaper/magazine vendors perhaps because the raiding parties either can’t read or can’t digest paper and ink.
Great lengths such as sending off his armed thugs into the Muslim Community across the street from Baclaran Church early this year, and firing indiscriminately, injuring children who were in the crowd.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always thought people who practice what they preach are the most effective teachers. If Bayani Fernando cannot teach his own minions the tenet of his Urbanidad then he has no business imposing it on the taxpayers who contribute to his salaries and operating expenses.
In his effort to create a Utopian Metro Manila where the air is clean, and the streets are pristine, and both drivers and passengers are polite and law-abiding, Bayani Fernando has chosen to ignore history, culture and bad city planning to implement rules and ordinances that do not work simply because they have not been well-thought out.
He cannot give his Metro Gwapo clean air because his smoke-belcher-catchers have been ignoring vehicles who deserve to be caught, and concentrating instead on vehicles whose drivers look like they can cough up not smoke but financing for the team’s merienda.
He cannot give his Metro Gwapo unobstructed sidewalks because vendors cannot relocate into the prefabricated markets that the government has built for their use, because no one actually goes there to buy their wares. Their real market is in the streets, where the passers-by and hungry workers are grateful that vendors are there. The barriers and turnstiles installed along SM Ayala-EDSA have been all but decimated because they were not planned with the actual situation in mind.
And he cannot instill discipline into the minds of men who know that Bayani Fernando himself does not possess the Urbanidad he so preaches, having sent his wet-paint-wet-rag-splashing teams harassing both businessman and blue-collar worker alike.
I can imagine Bayani Fernando, up in his air conditioned office in the MMDA Building on Orense Street, corner of EDSA, cool and cologned in his dark blue jacket, drawing lines and figures on whiteboards and construction paper, of where his barriers should go, and his turnstiles should stand, and his pink signs should be posted on, while totally ignoring the needs of the very people who live, walk and breathe the very same sidewalks.
People who sing his praise laud him for the Urbanidad by which people line up for public transport or for service at a counter. I’ve got news for you people — the nuns at school taught us to do that, almost 40 years ago, long before Bayani Fernando even put up turnstiles in his dreams. Urbanidad is the way by which people do not spit on sidewalks, do not throw trash away indiscriminately. Our parents taught us that.
Bayani Fernando does not really preach Urbanidad. He’s giving it a bad name.
________
* Rexona – brand of deodorant sold in the Philippines
Urbanidad
*This poem is written in Tagalog, the language of the man on the street in Manila. If you are looking for the connection between “Urbanidad” and the man Bayani Fernando commonly known as “BF” click here.
Quota na kaya si BF
ngayong hapon
Ilangpung pushcart na ba ang
tinangay ng
kampon ng MMDA sa
mga sidewalk
kung saan nagaalmusal
si Manong Joe
ng chicken maming luto ni
Aling Tasing
Hindi kaya napaso ang
mga kamay
ng mga naka-tshirt na
blue sa biglang
pagdagit sa pushcart, parang
lawing dagit
ang dagang walang kamuwang-
muwang.Quota na kaya si BF
ngayong hapon.
Ilang tindera na ba ang
umiyak sa
pagsibat ng mga raiders
of the lost tray
ng junkfood, puto, 3-in-one
na meryenda
namin sana mamyang hapon
pag coffee break
Ilang maglalako pa ba
ng fishball at
mani ang kailangang mag
mala-Tarzan
sa Guadalupe MRT
station para
matupad ang inutos
ni BF.Quota na kaya si BF
ngayong hapon
Ilang driver pa ba dapat
matiketan
dahil walang plate number sa
noo parang
anti-christ kung san tatoo ang
6-6-6 na
katunayan na di sila
kawatan. Kung
maka-quota si Bayani
pagbigyan nya
kaya ang huling hiling ni
Aling Tasing
na makapag-almusal man
lang ng lutong
mami bago meriendahin
ni BF?
Para kina Christopher Abdullah, Manang Rodman, at isa pang Manang na di ko alam ang pangalan, na inagawan ng pushcart ng MMDA, nung umaga ng Huwebes, July 19, 2007.
Jesus is my Hero
Nakita ko ito sa blog ni Inday Ayeza, ang Balikbayanbox. Magbebenta daw ang Wal-Mart ng religious action figures, tulad nina Jesus, Samson, Daniel and the Lion at Jonah and the Whale. Of course huwag nating kalimutan si Reyna Ester at Samson ni Delilah. Kung pupunta kayo sa website ng gumagawa ng mga relihiyosong action figures na ito — one2believe.com — makikita nyo ang linya ng mga action figures na ginawa nila at ibebenta sa mga bata sa Estados Unidos. May kasama din daw itong mga story book na naglalahad ng buhay ng naturing na action figure.
Sabi ko nga in reaction sa post ni Ayeza:
At last, ka-ranggo na rin si Jesus nina GI-Joe at ng mga Trasnformers! Kahit sa sinong bata ngayon sa US of A can really say that Jesus is his Hero. Gawin rin nya kayang pang bakbakan ang figure ni Jesus against Optimus Prime? Hmmm, ibang klase ito sa naksanayan natin (o halata lang ba talagang nagkakaedad na tayo?) The good thing about this is it demystifies Jesus and other bibilical characters na mula nuon ay nasa simbahan at misal lang. This allows for a more accessible Jesus (although personally I prefer John the Baptist kasi mas macho siya). Of course I’m writing from the point of view of a Catholic-turned-agnostic-bordering-on-atheism. But will it make the Pope raise an eyebrow? Abangan . . .
Kidding aside pumatok kaya ang bagong produktong ito? Ano sa palagay nyo?
About Me
