When you have to decide which paid services you can do without, you know that your budget is not cutting it.

I lost my internet connection late in January, after deciding that the internet was one of the things we could do without, after several years of 24*7 connectivity. Finances were not optimal … there was just not enough money to maintain the stuff we had gotten used to. I had gone into debt, some bills went unpaid for several months.

There were things we could not take out of the budget, of course. Tuition, electricity, operational expenses. Food. Milk for Maia.

There were nights when I felt like banging my head on the glass window as I sat on the bus going home from work. There had been times when I really did bang my head once or twice, just to know how it felt. I would sit and watch the movie on board and wonder how the heck did I get myself into this sh*t, and how I had found myself in a situation where I had promised myself years before I would never get into. There were nights that I really could not sleep, staring at the TV like a zombie, breathing to the rhythm of Sam snoring beside me.

Things are a bit easier now though. Summer vacation, so no need for Kuya Maui’s daily expenses. I’m into the third week of my sick leave so no dailies for me as well. Been going out to internet cafe’s to help out my assistant at the office online whenever things get too hairy for him, but otherwise it’s been TV and pirata DVD’s eating up my internet-less time at home. Sam’s busy with his party list consultant stint, there he goes traipsing through Mindanao again, hoping to be back by Easter Sunday but seriously doubting the possiblity.

When things get a little better we’ll get the internet back, maybe go on a vacation. After this recent ordeal I find myself tired and really feeling old despite all the vitamins and the good diet.

Maybe the years are finally catching up. I had felt a spurt of youthful vigor after I had Maia three years ago … but this time I just feel old. Yeah, old. 43 going on 44 this year.

OK, been here for the better part of an hour … gotta go. See you around sometime.

Why I’ve been away

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6 thoughts on “Why I’ve been away

  1. somewhere in this entry we saw a strong woman and a family that will be able to weather the storm. i know you are aware of what what i saw, that is why there’s no doubt that things will be better for you and the rest of your family.

  2. Ma’am just want to say thank you very much for helping me in the Kearny Alliance Project. Hope you understand me, I don’t want to disturb your vacation but I have no choice… If you need me just gave me a call or text..

    Thanks for everything, you like a second mom to me.


  3. ay sowee po, ende ko to nabasa kagad. pray ka lang. and trust that God will never fail you. He always provides. these are just but little glitches made to build your trust in him.

    remember, everything happens for a reason. and it’s always for your own good:)

  4. i’m sure everything will be okay. you sound like a strong woman, and hurdles like this is something i’m sure you’ll be able to get over. it’s going to be okay. ^_^

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