No this is not some aging rockstar that they’re bringing back because it’s the “in” thing. This is not a has-been-Carole-King-wannabe coming out of hibernation to sing with James Taylor at a reunion concert. This is not someone trying to be hip trying to be Carly Simon trying to be cute while trying to figure out the second line to Loving Arms, the lyrics of which she had bluetoothed onto her phone a few minutes before she left the house because she knew, and rightly so, that she will totally lose it onstage.

This is someone who hasn’t sung in public on a stage in eleven (yes 11) years. This is someone who hasn’t held a guitar for more than five minutes—and only because she needed to pass it on to someone else—and can no longer make barred chords sound recognizable. This is someone who had dreamed way waaaaaay back in her teens of becoming famous enough and being on the road just like Jackson Browne sang it …

Coffee in the morning, cocaine afternoons
You talk about the weather
And you grin about the rooms
Phone calls long distance
To tell how you’ve been
Forget about the losses, you exaggerate the wins
And when you stop to let them know
You’ve got it down
It’s just another town along the road

Rock star

Nah, it’s just me, sister-in-law trying to please her brother-in-law and his new wife by singing at their wedding, at their request. I thought they meant I was to sing at the reception when everyone was drunk and hogging the microphone and the guitar, but no, it turned out to be part of the ceremonies. I was drinking coffee from a fabulous capresso machine the bar owner brought in, but I almost froze. Actually my mind did. Couldn’t figure out what came next after “If you could see me now … ” See, even you could sing it. I couldn’t. More than a hundred people in the room and there I was trying to figure out what came next after “If you could see me now …” Good thing I did have the lyrics on my phone and even better than Sam was there to hold up the phone in front of me while I sang. I was ok after the second stanza.

After a jarring experience like that, I’m ready to retire.

Aging rockstar that never was

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